They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
