I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
