The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
