I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
