last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
