he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
