I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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