I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
