I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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