i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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