I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
