absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
