I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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