i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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