If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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