If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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