Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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