I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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