U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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