i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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