Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize