I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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