Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
