Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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