i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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