so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
