He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
