I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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