Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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