We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
