i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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