I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
