My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
