dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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