Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
