i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
