How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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