this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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