Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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