Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
