I wanna bring you to show and tell
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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