His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
