capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
