He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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