someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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