don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
