My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
