Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
