Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
