So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Farmville is her only friend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
