So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
