I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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