She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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