y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
