I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
