we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
