dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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