I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
