Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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