be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
