arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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