Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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