I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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