how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
