Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
