Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
