she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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