He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
