none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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