I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
