textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
