i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
